oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
