if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize