3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
