Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
