I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
