Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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