Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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