My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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