as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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