Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
