I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
