we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
