all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize