If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
