You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
