I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
