im drinking this country out of the recession.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
