Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
