just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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