At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
