I want to walk on stilts...naked
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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