We're facebook friends in real life
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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