somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
