My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
