the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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