When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize