Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
