I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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