I must be too annoying 4 u.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
