Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
