she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
