I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
