my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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