I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
