what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
