I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
