worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
