Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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