Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
