So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
