even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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