you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
is it fun? or sober?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
