I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she pinky promised me she was 18
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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