Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
