Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
