New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize