Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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