I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
