For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
