dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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