I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he was CRYING into my vagina
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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