Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
