i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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