This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
