I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
