ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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