There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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