so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
