I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
