i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm both gender and math confused
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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