yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
