so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
